i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
