I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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