I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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