I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
