EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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