I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
