Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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