I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
