It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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