Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
