He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
