Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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