Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
