I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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