i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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