She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
