I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
