Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I believe in your delicious
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
