I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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