You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
