I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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