your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
