I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
