I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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