I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
