i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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