Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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