I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
