I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize