I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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