when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
