If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
