I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
