Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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