fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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