Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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