your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
