You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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