can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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