actually, I'm a sock model
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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