is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
