I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the liver wants what the liver wants
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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