I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
