i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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