but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
