Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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