we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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