Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
