You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
