I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
