we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
