I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
