I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you inspire me to be a worse person
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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