So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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