My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
