When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
