Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
