so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
