Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you would pick up someone in the library
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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