i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
