I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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