I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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