pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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