Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
