There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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