Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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