someone threw a dead crab at me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
