why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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